wally schirra’s beard

in space, does your beard grow down
or does it grow out
like a hedgehog’s quills
catching on all the velcro
on the walls of the command module?
it must be uncomfortable
and very very itchy

you could shave it off
with an electric shaver
but then the air
would be full of tiny hairs
you’d breathe it in
and get furry alveoli

you could wet shave
and leave a blob of foam in midair
but what if the blob
bumped into the instrument panel?

and then the apollo guidance computer
would fizz and pop
and something inside it would break
and you wouldn’t know how
to get home

and…
let’s face it
being able to velcro your chin
to the wall
could be really useful
in zero-gravity.